Twas the Night Before Christmas, Gym Edition

Twas the Night before Christmas and all through the gym

Every lifter was repping to get swole or get thin

The Weightlifters snatched and cleaned with great care

Crossfitters did muscle-ups and thrusters into the air

Strongwomen flipped tires and atlas stones over bars

As Powerlifters benched, squatted, and deadlifted PRs

Bodybuilders put their dumbbells neatly in rows

For endless drop-sets to feel the pump as they grow

When what to their wondering eyes did appear

But Jacked Santa Claus dragging exhausted reindeer 

He farmer-carried Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen!

And repped Rudolph, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen!

Everyone was shocked at the six pack in his belly

"We thought that you jiggled, like a bowl full of jelly!"

Santa then replied with his loud booming voice

"One day I realized that my health was my choice

So I learned how to get ripped, strong, muscular, and mobile

Like a supple leopard, sleek, powerful, and noble.

I had the elves build a gym, and learn about nutrition

To keep me always in peak gift-delivery condition.

I traded in cookies and milk for vitamins and whey.

I drink gallons of water and 200 grams of protein per day.

So throw some plates on the bar and then let's train

Merry Christmas to all, may you all make great gains!"

The Spirituality of Physical Training

Lord of Life strengthen us in Spirit, body, and soul: With our mind, heart, and will in your loving control; So we can heal our world, and make your children whole.

One of the driving concerns behind my entire life project is integral holism: To help us become healthy and whole in body, spirit, and soul. I believe the integration of bodily health and activity is foundational for our spiritual vitality and psychological wholeness. As a Christian pastor, my primary means of accessing wholeness and purpose and integration in life is through the God of Love revealed in the person of Jesus Christ. Followers of Jesus are not usually known for their dedication to physical training and integration. But I think this is a mistake. After all, Jesus usually met people's bodily needs by feeding and healing them, before he taught them spiritual and ethical truths. And the "abundant life" promised by Jesus has physical as well as spiritual dimensions, such as making "our daily bread" a central concern in Jesus' model prayer.

Just as Jesus combined both physical and spiritual dimensions in his ministry, I usually combine my spiritual training with physical training, staying mindful of my diet and rest, exercise and mobility. This practice uses many of the spiritual-physical insights we find in Christian asceticism, as well as Hatha Yoga, and modern ideas of physical mobility, to create a method of living which not only connects us with Christ, but also makes us the strongest version of ourselves, which is holistically holy and wholly whole. 

Training to become our Strongest Self

Lord of Life strengthen us in Spirit, body, and soul: With our mind, heart, and will in your loving control; So we can heal our world, and make your children whole.

"Who are you training to become?" This is a phrase I have written on the squat rack in my home gym, and at the top of my training log. Because what we practice is what we become, and how we train shapes who we will be. So, who are you training to become? This entire instructional manual, which unpacks my core training principles, is an attempt to help us all train in such a way that we become who and what we want to be: That we train to become our strongest self, our wisest self, our best self.

So, since this blog is a summary of my entire training program, we need to start by defining "training". Depending on where you look, you can find many definitions for training. Training can refer to "developing a particular skill or type of behavior through practice and instruction". In a purely physical sense training often refers to "preparing oneself through diet and exercise in order to be fit". Or in its most general sense, training can be "to grow in a particular direction or into a required shape". All of these overlapping definitions share my idea of training: Training is "activity with intensity directed toward a purpose". 

Creating Goals to become your Best Self

Not that I have already obtained this or have already reached the goal; but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Beloved, I do not consider that I have made it my own; but this one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3.12-14)

I originally wrote this as part of a training manual for how to integrate physical training with the rest of our lives. But I realized this section deals with ideas and practices that will help us attain excellence in any part of our lives. Because most of us want to be the best version of ourselves. But we often lack the tools to develop goals and plans to help us get there. And "failing to plan is planning to fail". To attain our best self, our strongest self, and our wisest self, we have to intend to become this, imagine what it might look like to be this, and plan the best way to get from where we are, to where we want to be. The material found here is helpful for this. And although most of the examples used here come from physical training, the underlying substance applies to becoming great in any endeavor.

On reading while walking

This is probably old hat to many people, or just not needed for your lifestyle. But if this helps, here’s a life hack: I love reading, and the experience of seeing and digesting the written word. Audio books or podcasts or lectures are nice, but don’t really do the same thing for me. But the problem with reading is that it is very sedentary. 

A Prayer for Uncertainty

A poem and a prayer for those facing an uncertain future and trying to find the way forward. Let us pray:

A Prayer for Teachers in Spring 2021

I prayed this for our faculty and staff this morning, and I pray it for all teachers going back into this semester as well:

Lord of Love, God of New Beginnings, we come this morning seeking your blessing as we begin the second semester of a challenging year in difficult circumstances. 

For some of us, we begin this New Year refreshed: Filled with energy and restored from a blessed Holiday Break. Lord, thank you for this refreshment.

For some of us, we begin with heavy hearts filled with worry for loved ones who are sick, or sorrow for loved ones who have passed away. Lord, be with those we care for and embrace them in your undying Love.

And for all of us, we come before you with a mix of energy and apprehension, wanting to do the best we can for our students, but not entirely sure the best way to do that. Lord, fill us with Faith and Hope and Love. 

Fill us with Faith in your sustaining strength, and faith in our abilities as teachers and advisors and educational leaders. 

Fill us with Hope that our world will experience healing, that our lives will experience healing, and that our work with these students really makes a difference. 

And fill us with Love: Love for the students you have entrusted to our care, Love for each other as we support and encourage each other, and Love for the challenges and delights of education. 

With this Faith, Hope, and Love, send us into this new year, confident that you will work through us and our students. It is in Christ's Name we ask all of this. Amen. 

The Beast Box: DIY Homemade Strongman Stone Simulator

For years I have wanted to create a homemade device that would simulate some of the heavy lifts that are popular in strongman competitions. Since I already have a selection of heavy barbells and dumbbells, it would seem like I would not need any other implements. And some strongman exercises, such as Farmer's Carries and Deadlifts and various kinds of Clean and Press movements, are fairly easy to duplicate with Dumbbells and Barbells. But other movements, such as the Husafell and other stone lifts, are impossible to simulate with even heavy barbells.

But I did not really want to purchase a $200-$700 metal stone simulator, such as the Titan loadable Atlas Stones, Husafell Simulator, or Husacross. They are expensive and single use. And if the steel gets dented or has a crease, it can easily create a nasty gash. Likewise, I did not want to mold my own stones, because they would be single use, non-adjustable, and take up lots of space (as well as time to make). Finally, while I like training with Sandbags, they are impossible to quickly change weights with. You have to pour them out, seal them up, and weigh them if you want to change weights.

So, basically, my design specifications included the following: I wanted something that was cheap; Something that I could make at home out of wood; Something that wouldn't rip my skin up; Something that offered a variety of hold and carry options; And something that was easily loadable for doing strongman conditioning work. So, after having the idea rattle around in my head for a couple of years, I developed the Beast Box. Here are the plans I created:

The Bodyweight Quotient -BWQ- A tool for lifelong lifting

Note: The material here has been incorporated and enlarged into my comprehensive Training Program and Principles, as well as my thoughts on the Spirituality of Physical Training. 

I first fell in love with lifting weights at age 12, when my dad enrolled me in a weight lifting course at our local community center. That followed with a summer in a non-air-conditioned hardcore gym near my mom's house on the coast. I was hooked. I felt awesome, I looked good, and I enjoyed the ability and resilience of my body. By the time I was 18, I was benching just less than 400 and squatting just less than 700. Weight lifting followed me through college football and into young adulthood.

Then, as often happens, life got in the way. Career. Marriage. Divorce. Marriage. Grad School. Child one. Job change. Child two. Move and job change. Child three. Keeping up with a busy family of five. I would hit the gym a few weeks a year. But for the most part, I lapsed completely, became very over weight, and generally uncomfortable in my own skin. Then, right before turning 40, and after my Dad was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes (like many others in my family), I decided I wanted to lose weight, and get in shape, and return to a habit that was as spiritually formative as it was physically helpful: Weight lifting.

The costs of being embodied in a virtual world

I recently read a great article from the BBC on why video calls are so exhausting for so many people. It lists a number of physical and psychological mechanisms in which video conferencing seems to go against our nature, our needs, and the fundamental way we are wired. The truth seems to be that trying to pursue Community and connection via virtual electronic surrogates is bound to fail at a basic level, and have high costs on people physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This is true no matter what lens you look at humans through: 

Problematic Pandemic Posts

Are we making the Pandemic more toxic by what we post online? 

As we enter into the second month of the United States’ response to the global Coronavirus Pandemic, I have frequently encountered three dysfunctional kinds of problematic Pandemic posts on social media: Productivity, Positivity, and Protest. The “productivity” response tells us to go above and beyond with creative responses, to make things as normal as possible, and mimic pre-pandemic life virtually. The response to any and every problem is “DO MORE STUFF!” The “positivity” response tells us to look on the bright side of this crisis to find all the hidden blessings, and if we pray hard and believe sincerely, things will turn out just fine. The  response to any and every problem is “BE HAPPY!” The “protest” response looks for someone to blame for how bad things have gotten, and if only “they” did it differently we wouldn’t be in this mess. The response to any and every problem is “COMPLAIN LOUDER!” All of these are a form of denial that pushes away reality so we don’t have to deal with it. 

Divine Justice, Quarantine, and Healing

During this time of pandemic, social distancing, and quarantine, my sacred reading today was from the First letter of John (read it all here). One text in particular deals with Divine Justice, and can really reframe how with think of Justice in an age of global contagion:

"If we confess our sins, [Christ] is faithful and just, and will forgive us our sins, and purify us from all injustice." (1 John 1.9)

Prayer Resources for COVID19

The following is the text of an email I sent out to the faculty, staff, and families of my school community. I post this as a resource to other pastors or chaplains who may want to send a similar email and resources. Feel free to cut-and-paste and adapt as needed.

Towel Rack Front Squat

Introducing the Towel Rack Front Squat: Learn how to use a beach towel to Front Squat pain free, with comfortable shoulders, and no issues with wrist mobility. To the best of my knowledge, I am the first person on the interwebs to develop this front squat hack. I *think* I invented this hack. If I did not, let me know who got there first and I will gladly give credit where it is due. I was noodling in the gym last week and figured it out. I cannot find anyone on the internet that does the same thing. And the wrapping of the towel around the bar really keeps it glued to the shoulders with minimal upper body effort.

Four Years of Fitness Logging

Note: The material here has been incorporated and enlarged into my comprehensive Training Program and Principles, as well as my thoughts on the Spirituality of Physical Training. 

The last time I blogged about Fitness in 2014, I had just started my journey back to health. I have learned a great deal since then, and figured it was time to share some of that.

I will only toot my own horn if it helps others, so perhaps this will help someone. Today I have logged my meals for 3 years straight, 1095 days in a row, on MyFitnessPal. It would be 4 years in a row, but my Mission Trip in 2015 broke my 1 year streak. In these 4 years, I have gone from 330 lbs to 275 lbs (I still have 25 lbs to go to get to my goal of 250 lbs). With that loss of 55 lbs, I have gained muscle mass, and my 5 rep max lifts are at 285 for bench, 205 for overhead press, 325 for front squat, and 425 for deadlift. And beyond that, I generally feel healthy and energetic and comfortable in my own skin. 

What’s my point in this bragging? My point is that you can do it too. Your goals may be different. They may be running or swimming or CrossFit or whatever. But you can do it, with self discipline that comes from the grace of God. It may not come dramatically or quickly (it sure hasn’t for me), but it will come. I’m a very busy married guy with three active kids and a demanding job. And if I can do it, you can do it. 

Hamstrings and Excellence, Law and Grace

For those who do not know me, I push myself hard in many areas of life. I generally like doing "hard things" that trigger the desire to perform within me. From preaching, to teaching, to writing long essays, to lifting heavy weights, I generally delight in doing things that many people find difficult or strenuous. And before I go on, let me make it clear that there are plenty of things I am bad at too. I hate administrative things, paying bills, balancing accounts, making beds in the morning, doing dishes, going to bed at a reasonable hour, waking up early, etc. So suffice it to say, I tend to perform in front of people, and get lazy behind the scenes. So, I've got a lot of growing to do.

But, one of my more effective hobbies is lifting weights. I'm good at it, for my age and build. I pick heavy things up. I put them down. Usually in the solitude of my garage with loud music playing. I don't injure myself often, but when I do, it is memorable. One of those occasions was last night.

New Year's Resolutions 2015

The ball has dropped. The calendar has flipped. The holiday break is almost over.

And thus, I suppose it is time to do this year's obligatory resolutions (which, in fact, are continuations of things I am already working on).

However, on the supposition that if I make my decisions public, I have a greater chance of actually accomplishing them, here are my resolutions for 2015. I have limited myself to 5 goals, because I tend to accomplish things in sets of 3 or 5. God created us to evolve with five digits, so that is a pretty handy way of keeping track. And so without further ado, my New Years resolutions for 2015:

Working out my Theology

Note: The material here has been incorporated and enlarged into my comprehensive Training Program and Principles, as well as my thoughts on the Spirituality of Physical Training. 

Lately I have been working out, and getting some really good results (if only I could combine it with greater weight loss!). My wife, and some of my friends, have asked me to help them with designing a workout. Rather than explain the same routine over and over, I thought I would put all my thoughts in one place so anyone can benefit.

On weight lifting when you are older

Note: The material here has been incorporated and enlarged into my comprehensive Training Program and Principles, as well as my thoughts on the Spirituality of Physical Training. 

A friend of mine who recently lost a bunch of weight asked me about working out. He asked me because I used to give advice on how to work out when I was younger. You see, I used to be a college football player and power lifter. And like many who lifted heavy iron when younger, once "real life" set in (including marriage, kids, grad schools, jobs, and "adult" responsibilities), I have fallen out of shape, and fallen into being about 50-70 lbs over-weight.